Relationship Test to Assess the Strength of Your Relationship
Do you sometimes ask yourself if your relationship will last long term?
A reliable relationship test can prove the likelihood of staying happily together in the long run.
In this article, I summarize for you one of the most effective relationship tests used by Tony Robbins.
I often use it as an online life coach to help my couple clients.
Tony Robbins is one of the most successful life and relationship coaches out there.
This relationship test will help you assess the safety and strength of your relationship.
Are you in a healthy relationship?
We shall definitely see!
Personal Needs Are the Core
The secret to a happy relationship lies solely in the knowledge and understanding of the other person’s needs and how best you meet those needs.
We all have needs that we’d like our partners to satisfy.
But to make your relationship great, you’ll need to understand how to put your partner and yourself in a great state.
Our needs and whether they are being met will ultimately determine how we feel in a relationship.
Six Core Needs
Tony Robbins defines these six core human needs:
- Love and Connection
- Growth
- Certainty / Comfort
- Significance
- Contribution
- Uncertainty / Variety
Relationship Test – Stages of Satisfaction
I’ve made mention of how everything boils down to how well you are able to satisfy your partner’s human needs.
Talking of satisfying each other’s needs, when you are able to satisfy any two of the other person’s six core needs, you will have been able to establish a connection.
Satisfy two more, and you have created a bond.
When you’re able to satisfy all six of the other person’s needs, they’ll be so into you that they’ll never contemplate leaving you.
So, are you meeting your partner’s human needs?
Let’s see just how strong your relationship is with this relationship test!
Are Your Top Core Needs Being Met?
To begin your personal relationship test, ask yourself these questions;
What exactly are your top two needs?
- Is it Love and Connection?
- Do you prefer Growth?
- Does this have to do with Certainty?
- Is it Significance?
- Would you greatly appreciate more Contribution?
- Or is it more of Variety?
These six needs above are common to everyone but in different orders of priority.
Ask yourself, which of these do you rate highest?
How Are You Meeting Your Top Needs At The Moment?
Where are you able to satisfy your needs?
- Is it in the workplace?
- At your home?
- With your friends or is it with relatives?
- Or even by yourself?
Also, what is it that has to happen before you feel well satisfied and happy that your most important needs are met?
How frequently does this have to happen and also more importantly, with who does this happens?
Do you feel more responsive to words or touch, to gifts and gestures or more inclined to respond to visual cues?
How Are You Meeting Your Partner’s Six Human Needs?
On a scale of 1 to 10, clarify how you’re meeting your partner’s human needs and at what level by answering the following questions in this part of the relationship test.
- What extent or level of certainty does your partner feel that you love them?
- How much variety and surprise are they constantly getting from you?
- What level of significance do they feel that they are the number one priority in your life?
- On a daily basis, how much love and connection are they also getting from you?
- How much growth or development they feel they’re getting in the relationship?
- To what level are you helping them to contribute?
This other part of the relationship test has to do with assessing your partner’s major point of response.
Are they more responsive to touch, words, gift, and gestures, or visual cues?
What do you think you could do monthly, weekly, daily, or even several times daily for your partner?
How nice do you think it would be to feel more confident that you’re able to meet your partner’s needs?
What If You Aren’t Sure How to Satisfy Your Partner’s Needs?
It’s quite possible you may find yourself in a situation where you really can’t figure out exactly how you can meet the top needs of your partner.
When you’re at this point in your relationship test, you need to ask questions and get answers.
Ask them politely “what are the things that need to happen before you’re satisfied that your needs have been met?”
We all have unique ways of meeting our individual needs and when you’re in a relationship, it is your responsibilities to find what needs your partners yearn to meet and explore and decide how best you can satisfy those essential needs.
With respect to all of the six core needs, politely ask your partners what has to happen for them to feel their need has been met.
Dealing With External Influence or Intrusion
This part of the relationship test is significant in assessing the level of third-party influence on your relationship.
Likewise, it will also help as with how you can best rid your relationship of the consequences of this intrusion.
To make your personal relationship test in this case, ask yourself which of your needs are currently getting outside of your relationship?
Are these needs being met by
- family members,
- colleagues,
- friends,
- or children?
Do you feel like you are getting more love, variety or significance from these people than you’re currently getting from your partner?
Are you sure your partner is not feeling displaced or jealous?
Are the people meeting your needs critical or judgmental of your partner?
When your partner starts seeing these external influences as a challenge or competition, you definitely need to make amendments.
What should you do?
Take Action on External Influence
Talk to this other person whether it is your
- friend,
- mother,
- siblings,
- or whoever they are.
Tell them how much you love and cherish your partner and how happy you are to be in love with them.
Let them know how much your partner means to you and observe their reactions as you tell them to make them realize how your partner comes first and let them understand your partner is meeting your needs.
When you are able to make this assessment on a monthly basis, your relationship would be free from external influence and your partner would understand their significance as you put him or her right above every other relationship in your life.
Assessing Your Current Relationship Level to Determine How Long It Can Last
There are three stages in a relationship and the outcome of your personal relationship test will determine what level you’re in.
Consequently, each of these levels varies in strength and the possible sustainability of the relationship.
First Level
In the first level of relationship, partners focus on how to meet their needs without so much emphasis on meeting the other person’s needs.
Looking at it, these types of relationship hardly survives the test of time.
Second Level
Partners in the second level are in between both ends of the relationship tier.
Partners barter for needs here and are only interested in replicating the other person’s gestures.
Although this relationship can last, it doesn’t usually bring lasting intimacy and fulfillment.
Third Level
Third level relationships define partners who put the other person’s needs before theirs.
Love in this relationship is unconditional and is the perfect breeding ground for a lasting and fulfilling relationship.
Partners in the highest level of the relationship ladder would usually enjoy a safe and healthy relationship.
Both partners will need to discover each other’s needs and how to best meet those needs.
Partners in this level put the other person’s needs first unlike in the other cases.
Help for a Turnaround in Your Relationship
If you’re able to do it like in the third level, it will ultimately help to rebuild a broken relationship, signaling a turnaround in your love life.
With this relationship test, you’ll be able to reflect on yourself and what you’ll need to correct to bring more life into your relationship.
Maintaining a relationship boils down to how willing both partners are to make compromises.
It starts with you while still not forgetting that it takes two to work.
A healthy relationship that will last long involves a degree of
- unconditional love that will
- identify the partner’s needs and
- place those needs first.
Only on solid foundations like these can a relationship really wax strong, last long and bring a sense of fulfillment.
If you feel stuck and you think you need external help, consider hiring counseling or marriage counseling.
Klick on the Reconnect image to get professional help.
This informative video on How to Rebuild a Broken Relationship further explains how it all starts with assessing yourself.
Important Note
Every article I write is intended to help you with:
- questioning and reflecting on your own view of the world
- understanding why you are looking at the world like you do
- finding different perspectives to view situations from different angles, and
- going on a meta-level and reflecting on the consequences of your view
However, with every sentence of my writing, I create another view of how things “really are”.
Even if I do this with the best intentions, please critically examine if this construction of the reality is helpful for you as an individual person in your own special situation.
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